A Question - Hotel Books

Is it enough that you succeed or does someone else need to fail?

There’s a lot that my soul still needs and my heart has left a bleeding trail

To balance out my order/chaos dynamic

I derive joy from anything that isn’t panic

Because life doesn’t get easier, but our strength moves like meteors

And lately, I’m not afraid of monsters as much as I’m afraid of becoming one

My mind has been hiding the imposters and the thought of revenge sometimes

sounds like fun

So I begin to run so I don’t get lost in what was

Removing my pride so I don’t feel so undone

It’s crazy what a soul can become

'Cause you have to make your opponent seem reprehensible so you don’t have to

take them seriously

But freedom from the chains of depression are obtainable when I can talk to

myself fearlessly

So, I turn to songs and music and bands that feel honest

Music where I’m finally not paying for the name, but I’m actually paying for

the product

I promise that I’m echoing the message that I was taught when I was facing

trauma

I wrote about the real stuff in my life and now I feel like I’ve lost it

That sense of comfort of knowing no one really knows me

Because I’m afraid of my mistakes and I don’t like feeling lonely

So I ask, you don’t need to stay, but before you leave, could you at least hold

me?

I hate feeling this depression

I hate making first impressions

I hate digging my head in the sand

And I hate not having your attention

I hate that there’s hate in my heart

And I promise that it’ll someday leave me

But the moments I spend creating art are the only ones that I feel can still

complete me

And I’ll say «I love you» to my dad more often, now that my mom is living in

heaven

I’ll stop complaining about the past and I’ll stop hoping things were just more

even

And I won’t complain about the rules, even when I feel that the game is not fair

Because life can end in one quick second and it’s time that I begin to care

I want to pray more often and I want to talk less

I want to let love begin to blossom and stop living in mess

I want to focus on my physical health and stop indulging when I’m depressed

I want to make life less about fearing hell and more about the love we possess

And I want to feel beautiful even in the moments that I regret

I just want to feel beautiful