Dualistic Nihilist -

I’ve seen the end of it all

I was on my kitchen floor

With a knife held to my throat

Battles raging inside

The darkest waves crushing me slow

The soul replaced by the season’s change taking control

Forcing me down a road that I’ve never known

So completely alone

The shadow grows and tears the insides out

I have a history of burning myself out

Nightmares set to the beat of the years counting down

I lost myself in my own skin

With no feet on the ground I dove right into

A world that did not exist

Nobody saw this coming at first

As the year crept by I rose from the earth

No understanding of what I felt

A fever rising but I couldn’t tell what was happening to me

«You don’t seem yourself, I don’t think that you’re ok.»

Just follow me down a twisting, turning maze of thoughts

Exploding from a mind that just won’t stop

It’s all good that everything’s changed

It seems insane, they’ll understand someday

I know I’m right

I’m pulling the anchor down

And it’s getting darker now

I’m pulling the anchor down

Too low and now we all suffer

I’m pulling the anchor down

And you’re fighting harder now

But I’m pulling the anchor down

Sink with me, tonight I’m skipping town

By 10 O' Clock I’m gone

Into the night, southbound

I don’t belong here anymore

This all just feels so wrong

But at 90 miles an hour I felt strong

Heading towards the worst that I’d become

Dualistic annihilation, destroyer of foundation

A blackened force headed towards a devastation

Polarize the halves, a total separation

Slip through the cracks into false revelations

Electric currents control the path

Los Angeles highways confuse the map

It was laid out with perfection

But the plan’s rotten with infection

I was sure of where I was going

Until the lights started dimming

Alone in my car, the logic starts skipping

Exits the same in every direction

I don’t know where this high is heading

But I know I’m scared to end it

A series of events and new reality exists

Life turned inward, unpredictable shifts

Alone in the condition of flawed perspective

A disaster too complex, a virus to dissect

Too late to resurrect the spirit that left

The power of the heart navigates until the end

Sunset self-destruction with my trust on guard

Roam the streets alone in the eye of the storm

Enter the home where personalities split

Confusion persists and identities twist

The wires were crossed in impossible knots

And all was lost

Deny it all.

Trust your heart when it’s raw

Follow the moon.

Listen to your father’s call

He existed in the sky, for that moment in time

Watching me pace the halls in a fury of fire

Returning home to no relief

Transformed unrecognizably

The weapons are drawn for the ones in the trees

For a midnight walk with someone following

Awaken alone, dread soaking the sheets

Actions cause reactions, I don’t want to be me

To think of what I’ve lost is to look to the cause

The center of destruction, I’m locked in it’s jaws

Look to the side where no one resides

A hollow reflection of the passing of time

You did this to yourself, blame no one else

Heart beating you down, no one could help

Ingest the sedation

Avoid isolation

Get outside and adjust your vision

Confront the weight of your decisions

Run from the fear of a nightmare made real

From a dream that ends in swift, cold steel

You and I have climbed

A million miles, watched everything die

And I’ve been waiting all my life

For something to survive

Now, every day: «Did you eat?»

«Did you sleep?»

Allowing you to hate me shows my

Love unconditionally

Refusing to hate you

Who are you and what have you done with my friend?

I’m afraid I’ve almost accepted

Nothing will ever be the same again

I feel violated, but is that misguided?

If I could tell you, one year ago today

That someday I would need you

Just as much as you needed me

To let me know I’m not alone

To not give up on me

Or let me give up on everyone

Save for save —

I’m gonna make sure you’re ok

Save for save

This rescue goes both ways

When the sky looks like the end of days

And when this is long behind us

What are we going to tell ourselves?

Recalling those days from Hell

Climbing mountains by myself

Pouring frantic tears and sweat

Turning strangers into friends

When I’m calling them for help

To protect you from yourself

Everyone else trying to live

Well, good for them — We are different

You and I are just trying to stay alive

But hours creep by one day at a time…

The panic of collapse, the dread of existence

Floods through the rivers of the nervous system

The pain saturates the depths of the mind

The outcome of war, a failure of design

Drowning in darkness

In a single room, confined

If there’s nothing beyond this

There’s an excess of time

Take a breath, but don’t sit back and reflect

Soldier down the road, try not to look back

Surrender to the horror of the past

Don’t dwell on when you chose the wrong path

But this is now, the present takes over

The wrath of regret weighs heavy on shoulders

Crawl through each moment to the end of every night

Stay in constant motion to keep the head right

But everything’s wrong, I’m not who I once was

Something’s been stolen, I can’t see the light

A fire in the eyes no longer burns bright

I’m prey for the animal that controls the light

Support systems can’t heal the condition

The expanding void of death’s incision

As days pass by, I fall further inside

Engage the impending end of this life

Spiral inwards, feel the burn of my internal eyes

On a path derailed with no end in sight