Upon Westminster Bridge -

Same old Hampstead

Ken Hom Wok Set

Dead Sea bath salts

Jog-proof iPod

Iron Age hill fort

Long term roadworks

High tide bird watch

B&Q Homebase

If Jesus came to Earth today

They’d crucify him straight away

Upon a cross of MDF

And they’d use No Need For Nails

Ship-shape farmhouse

Dry stone wall chart

Cash-back foot spa

Straight down Ladbrokes

Low cost school trip

Ramraid Oxfam

Christ that sun’s hot

Yes that’s right sir

Oh help me Mrs Medlicott

I don’t know what to do

I’ve only got three bullets

And there’s four of Motley Crue

Spoiling Good Friday my ex-love sent to me

Twelve drummers singing

Eleven chairmen dancing

Ten mascots whinging

Nine stewards flapping

Eight christening invites

Seven cows a-barking

Six vicars strumming

Nick fucking Knowles

Four boring words

Carphone Warehouse and Matalan

And a pulled up at Bangor-on-Dee

I’m driving backwards at peak hour

Along the Edgware Road