Good Queen Wenceslas - Goldstein

Good Queen Wenceslas looked out

On the feast of Stephen

Then she thought, «Now, hang about

Why’s this feast called ‘Stephen'?»

Surely there were other Saints

They could name it after?

Lucy, Laura, Abigail?

Mary for that matter?"

Then she thought, «and by the by

Who will do the cooking?

Muggins here, I hear you cry?

On your bike, keep looking.

A woman’s place should not be

Stuck inside the kitchen

Frankly it’s a fallacy

Misogynist fiction

I’m a Queen, and queening means

Work twenty-four-seven

Finding time for cooking seems

Anything but heaven

It’s not always feminist

To throw out the apron

But there’s choice, and I choose this

Stove emancipation.

Fact is, ovaries do not

Tie you to the oven

Like Queen Wenceslas you’ve got

Governments to govern

Don’t feel bad you’ll never be

Delia or Nigella

Roast instead Patriarchy

Give them salmonella.

So as Christmas rolls around

We sing our conclusion

To cook festive feasts, we’ve found

It’s about inclusion

Don’t leave Mum to cook it all

And then set the table

Share the work (and alcohol)

If you’re fit and able.