29 / 31 - Garfunkel and Oates

For the first time in my life, I see it clearly

I realize the power of being a woman

29 years old and time’s on my side

I’m in my prime, I’ve hit my stride

I got so much charisma, and so many options

It’s nice to always have my pick

There’s nobody left!

I’m all alone!

I’m at the top of my game, possibilities are endless

And I just feel really pretty

I’m holding out for someone who meets my standards

Won’t settle for anything less than perfect

I know what I want and I can have it

I’m surrounded by love and peace

There’s nobody left!

I’m all alone!

Why did I wait?

What’s wrong with me?

In two short years, I’m gonna be 33

Who the hell will want me then?

My ovaries are shrinking

I’m disgusting and everyone feels bad for me

And I never get invited to dinner parties anymore

Things unfold when they’re supposed to

'Cause everything happens for a reason

It’ll happen for me when I’m not even looking

He’ll just appear and I’ll just know

And he’ll love me forever without any work

Who needs to try when things are meant to be

There’s nobody left!

(I'm a catch just look at me)

I’m all alone!

(I'm smart and hot and have lots of interests)

You’re such an idiot!

(The man of my dreams is definitely out there)

You think you’re so special because people tell you that now

(He's my future, he’s the one)

But that’ll stop and be replaced with looks of pity!

(He was put on this Earth to make my life complete)

(The world is a buffet of love)

Oh, what?

You think biological reality doesn’t apply to you

In your adorable cocoon of agelessness?

Well, it does!

And while you’re just waiting around and focusing on you

Guess what?

You’re gonna miss your window!

Everything happens for a reason

You know I truly believe that

(Yeah, you said that before)

Oh my God, it does, though

Everything happens for a reason

(What about the Haitian earthquake

Or cellulite on skinny women?)

Just say, «Hey universe, I’m ready»

It’ll happen when you least expect it

(Well, I don’t expect it at all now

So I guess it’s right around the corner)

Maybe you’re putting out the wrong vibe

Maybe you’re closed off to love

Let me tell you a secret, it’s called The Secret

(Here's another secret, you’re an asshole)

Your negativity is a self-fulfilling prophecy

The reason things go well for me is 'cause of positivity

Well, I’m positive fertility always begins to atrophy

When infantile fantasy eclipses true reality

It never once occurred to me that things won’t work out perfectly

When God closes a door, you see, he opens a window

You realize that’s a smaller opening, right?

You used to be able to just walk out a door

And now you have to climb out some slightly ajar window somewhere

Possibly falling like eight stories to your death

That is not an upgrade

And you know what else?

There’s nobody left!

(7 billion people on the planet)

I’m all alone!

(My options will never ever run out)

I hate you!

(I'm so happy, aren’t you happy?)

You’re so stupid!

(I'm so happy)

You can’t love someone else 'til you love yourself

You can’t love someone else 'til you love yourself

You can’t love someone else 'til you love yourself

You can’t love someone else 'til you love yourself

'Cause life is good (Over)