Handle Your Bars - Flobots

Now, normally I’m pretty conflict-avoidant

Just ignore shit if it’s just annoying

I don’t write a diss track about Stranger Things episode 7

I’d just be like, «that's disappointing»

But recently I was just acquainted

With a young man, maybe once-fan of ours

(Hey look, this guy’s covering «Handlebars!»)

That’s cool, what’s he say in his bars?

(Umm)

(Instead of «my bike», he says «your girl»)

Oh, that’s really clever (Oh! It gets even better)

Oh, naturally these days it has to be thoroughly crafted to be received

fashionably

(Oh, yes! You have to see this!

His masterpiece is like a master thesis!

In this project

He concocts a fascinating twist of logic

Describes a woman’s body like it’s just an object)

(Hmm, watch out, watch out, hold up, hold up)

I think that’s been done (Yeah, it’s been done)

Well maybe, yeah

I think that’s been dumb (Yeah, and then some, hmm)

Yeah, I guess so

I won’t hold it against 'um (Hold it against him)

Oh really?

Why not?

Because he’s just twenty-one (Tryna get attention)

(Actually, he’s twenty-two)

Oh, then that’s disappointing

(His name is Logan Paul) Oh, I don’t listen to boy bands

(No, man! All the kids love his stuff

You don’t know him at all?) What the fuck?

This guy’s got like a million followers

(12 million, way more than all of yours)

Probably has like a billion dollar-ers

(Well, if you care so much, then call a law-y-er)

You see that bike?

He’s gonna fall off

(Hahaha)

Honey, ain’t nobody in that video have booty like mine;

that’s why he can ride

it with no handlebars

(Hahaha!)

(He don’t need one, he don’t need one! Ain’t no cake!)

Come around here, you’ll get lost (Help!)

Missing person’s report!

(Hah!)

Now, why you gotta do it like that

Took a nice track and abuse it like that

With your stupid white rap

Follow my music, my path, but crashed into an ice patch

And it threw your ass back to the bougie heights

That I presume you might’ve had

But I don’t really know your music like that

I mean, I don’t really know your movies like that

I guess I don’t really get what you do

So put your mic back on the bike rack tonight

'Cause my lady says she’s not attracted by

Male dominant dumb shit, that can die

Look, Donald Trump’s kid has arrived

That’s a woman, that’s a bike

That’s a young kid, that’s a mind

That is something that you might consider maybe just a little bit

I know it’s all just a joke, but I disavow

The whole system’s broke, gotta fix it now

You can’t handle bars, so you mangle ours

Till you split the spokes, now they’re sticking out

Like Pinocchio’s nose that grows and twists around

Hokey flows you keep pissing out

Just to get a crowd to buy merchandise

With our words inscribed on 'em?

That doesn’t seem right

I think this clown here deserves some pies on him

I’ll put these rhymes in my first advice column:

If you like someone, don’t blatantly bite from 'em

If you like women don’t make a bike from 'em

God!

Sorry if I sound too do-goody, but

For the sake of our community (huh!)

I’mma take this opportunity

To let you know there’s another stage after puberty

(Hmm, watch out, watch out, hold up, hold up)