Makin' Dough - David Roth

There appears to be a movement in this culture we call ours

For some quickness and convenience when it comes to eating flour

There are many transmutations, many shapes that wheat is sized in

And as many folks who eat it as are things it is disguised in

One such kind, the doughnut, is a favorite of the masses

Who flock to local doughnut shops to fatten up their, come on, I would never use

a word like that when there are children present

Though the words they hear and use at school may not be all that pleasant,

either

Right here on nature’s sandy arm the Fleming family did commence

The preparation of this treat for which they rose to prominence

With elbows jostling torsos every morning, booties shaking

Where the local crowd would gather to partake of their fine baking

Boston cremes and honey dipped, coconut and chocolate covered

And the ones all stuffed with jelly or with shiny icing smothered

Don’t forget the muffins or the Maxwell House’s coffee

This is probably not the place to ask you waitress for a latte

All was going smooth for years until one rueful day

When the world’s largest donut nation sailed into the bay

They thought they’d sneak right into town out by the cemetery

With those wash-ashores down from Vermont whose names were Ben and Jerry

But Cape Codders are a wily lot, they saw the frosting on the wall

And mounted up a protest to curtail this corporate sprawl

«We don’t need your You-Know-Who-nuts here in town amongst our neighbors

We’ve got Donut Shacks and Hole in One’s to do our pastry labors

So take your franchise somewhere else to make your big dinero

If I gotta have a croissant, I’ll just hit the Chocolate Sparrow

Yet in spite of all the protest You-Know-Who-nuts got their store

First in Chatham, then in Eastham, and by now, there’s several more

Don’t deny it, I have seen you there in line with all the tourists

Where they claim the world’s finest coffee, that’s a joke to purists

But if you pause to ponder, then this song will have succeeded

Right here at home you never know how much your dough is kneaded

So if you gotta have a sweet, there’s something you can do

Consider local merchants and the years that they’ve been here for you

They’re the ones who’ve earned your business,

So make sure that they don’t go nuts

Go spend more money at their stores

And less at You-Know-Who-nuts