Just Wanna Dance - Dane Cook

My friends took me out the other night

They were like «Dude we gotta go out man.

Let’s go.»

I was like, «I don’t wanna go out.»

«Come on dude.

Let’s go get some chicks!»

Yea?

Just like that?

What about that whole middle ground where you’re an IDIOT!"

«No dude… Let’s go get some chicks!»

So they wanna go out dancing, right

Which we go, guys, we go to the clubs cuz that’s where you go

The girls go.

Girls go to DANCE.

You get ready with your friends

«Let's go dance tonight!

Let’s just- fuck guys tonight

Let’s just stand in a circle around our shoes and our pocketbooks

And lets just dance.

And if guys come near us we’ll tazer them.

No guys.»

You never hear a guy say to one of his buddies

«Hey.

Listen.

Mike.

Michael.

Tonight, dude, I gotta dance.

What?

Chicks?

No, no, fuck chicks dude.

I wanna dance!

I just wanna express

Myself throught the art of dance, Mike.

I don’t wanna see a chick.»

Then we just go to the club and we stand over in the

Corner and stare at you while you’re out there

«MINE!

she’s MINE!»

It’s not like in the old days where you come up and are like

«May I have this dance please?»

Yanno?

We just fucking out of nowhere POWPOW etc…

What’s up?

POWPOWPOW You mind if I knock against you with my cock?

POWPOW Just for about an hour?

POW My denim cock?

And the lights are blinking so you’re like, «Is he good looking?

Is he fucking ugly?

What is this?

If he’s good looking, that’s fine

But if he’s ugly…»

Right, if he’s ugly you turn back to your friends you’re like

«Help me!»

«OOH right thank you so much!»

You go dancing, right.

Here’s the thing it’s like yanno

I’m a young guy but I don’t care man

The fucking music at the clubs is usually way too loud

That one beat all night

Right?

Then you’re dancing but in the back of your head you’re like

«This is kinda fucking loud!

I would enjoy this if it was a little tiny bit

lower

Just a little tiny bit!»

But then you realize it’s so loud because

You’re dancing in front of the fucking speakers.

Yanno.

You didn’t know

You’re like, «Oh shit we’re in front of the goddamn speakers!»

The whole place is fucking speakers

You think you’re going into the bathroom.

You’re like

«I'm in the fucking woofer!

How did I get in here?»

«Oh my god!

Don’t go in that door.

It’s not the bathroom guys

That’s the woofer!

They should put a sign that says the woofer cuz

This is the bathroom.»

And they just play that one beat all night

Somebody scream!

Alright?

And all night everyone-oh scream!

The at the end of the night, 3 hours later.

They turn on the lights

Music goes off and all you can hear for 3 days is

You leave the club.

Your friends are trying to talk to you they’re like

If I ever get really rich I’m just gonna open a bar

It’s gonna be called Head.

And if you come there

You know what the fuck’s up!

It would be like 150 guys

«Where are the fuckin chicks dude?

Why aren’t they coming out to Head?»

«Because they’re down the street at TGI Lick my Pussies.

That’s why

We gotta come up with some better apps

Cus they’re down at TGI Lick my pussies.»