The Greatest Liar - C.W. Stoneking

Now ladies and gentlemen, we present for your entertainment tonight

Down in the Starlight Hotel, all the way from New Orleans — King Hokum

Folks, I wanna tell you tonight about the World’s greatest Liar

That’s right, the greatest that liar ever was, will be, has been, can a been

(And jelly bean!)

Name of this this fella is Samuel, Jacob, Jackson… Jeremiah, Johnson…

Any name that be fittin' his present situation

(Uh, usually a situation be presently fittin' him, pair a handcuffs,

and leg irons)

Yes, yes quieten down please, quiet down

Now, I’m gonna refrain from usin' this man’s name here tonight

To conceal, to conceal the fact of his true identity — which is unknown to me

Now Samuel was born early one mornin, I tell you

There was many important folks there to witness his birth, who was they?

(I don’t know!)

Well, what I’ve learned, through years of investigation, misinformation,

and inebriation

Is that that great liar was born to rich, but honest parents, who both died

when he was only 12 years old

My heart goes out to him.

It was a blow he suffered again, with their passin,

uh, in the street, eleven years later

As an orphan, Samuel was subject to the most savage beatins, at the hands of

the very folks

Into whose homes he was sent for the sole purpose, of burglary

Now, while servin' in the Armed Forces

Samuel Jacob Jehosophat Jellyroll Johnson

Was wounded at the battle of Hastings.

That was back round ten sixty six, uh,

in the mornin'

After which he was discharged with the high distinction of never havin' enlisted

The memories of war scarred Samuel the rest of his life, because he remembered

nothing

And though he often raised toasts to his fallen, bank balances

He never taken a drink of liquor the rest of his life — that he paid for

That’s right Ladies and Gentlemen, only the best blues, hokum, and Jungle music

Down in the Starlight Hotel, every night