True Story - Burden

I got these memories of when I was only 8

Bedroom door was locked, my mom was being beat

And screaming rape

Kenny open the door!

I want to but I can’t

In her boyfriends trailer

In the living room, his roommate doing crank

What the fuck are you doing!

My mamas crying for help

Thats when I learned what a coward was

Something i never felt

I dialed 911, and i left the phone by itself

I wish that i had i gun

Cause i woulda sent him to hell

Send everybody to hell

Then i remember the cops came and took him away

Tears in my mamas face

Lord knows how bad they must taste

And every time I think about it up to this day

That helpless little kid i was, it throws me into a rage

Spoke to my pops when I was 5

On the phone

I ain’t know him as dad so i called him Clyde

Guess me calling him by his name, it musta hurt his pride

All i heard was «click» and thats the last I heard from him in life

But that ain’t crazy

14, was on probation

Having suicidal thoughts, and this voice, it came from Satan

Had a rope tied around a branch my puppy used to play with

And one day I wrapped that rope around my neck n starts hanging

What the fuck was I thinkin

Mama seen me through the window

She ran outside and saved me

Can’t believe i really almost made her bury her baby

Blame it on rap music

Yea too much Slim Shady

Swear to God I used to go to church and feel like they hate me

But none of that was awful as the night I lost Austin

And its been so fuckin long

I never put this in a song like this, no

I never thought id break it down like this, no

So, me and him were homies like, everyday homies like

Wake up every morning, prolly calling, comin over, like

Damn we need some come up like

Damn we need some money like

Hustle hustle hustle, things were finally going right, until the night

Until the night i seen my dawg die

Yea, about a foot away from me

Brains blowed all over the wall man you couldn’t imagine this shit

But listen

Look, couple of jitts couple of guns right

Just fuckin around fuckin with one right

12 gauge, we ain’t know it was loaded

Suddenly it went off and the barrel exploded

I started screaming your name

But you’re dead and i know it

The slug it entered your brain

And then the blood just kept pouring

To me this is a memory, to them its just horror

I ran outside, I called the police, and I just stood on the porch

I heard the sirens, seen the lights but i was numb

I didn’t speak when they ran up pulling they guns

I just dropped to my knees and started crying

Said my best friend just died and then I pointed inside

Then of course when they questioned me i lied

But at the end i still got charged with manslaughter, homicide

I wish that I could tell you this is fiction, but its not

Since I been home from prison

Music’s the only thing i got

Fuck

Slaughter me or slander me, I don’t give a fuck

Man that shit don’t hurt me at all, naw

Like y’all have no idea what the fuck my life consisted of

And i don’t know what the fuck yours did either, like

For real like, you can’t look at someone and assume nothing

You heard me like, people go through shit

People go through shit you never did

In all walks of life, all around the world

Just cause they smiling

That don’t mean that they ain’t hidin pain

Man everybody’s hiding pain

Like

Man everybody has shit they don’t want people to know

Real talk

Man I just ain’t afraid to let you know who I am

Share who I am with you, cause

Its authentic

Its too real to be fake, you feel me like

Man fuck it

Man if I could say one thing it’d be

Dont let your past determine your future