Be More Chill - 'Be More Chill' Ensemble, Will Connolly, Eric William Morris

[THE SQUIP:]

Take your hands out of your pockets

Arch your back, puff out your chest

Add some swagger to your gate or

You'll look like a mas-tur-ba-tor

Fix your posture, then the rest

[JEREMY:]

But I AM a masturbator..

[THE SQUIP:]

We'll fix that

All your nerdiness is ugly

[JEREMY:]

Nerd?

I thought I was more of a geek, but..

[THE SQUIP:]

All your stammering's a chore

[JEREMY:]

Wh-wh-what?

[THE SQUIP:]

Your tics and fidgets are persistent

And your charm is non-existent

Fix your vibe, then fix some more

Buh

[JEREMY:]

Wha?

[THE SQUIP:]

Buh

[JEREMY:]

Wha?

[THE SQUIP:]

No

[JEREMY:]

Aah!

[THE SQUIP:]

Stop

Oh, everything about you is so terrible

Whoa, everything about you makes me wanna die

[JEREMY:]

Jesus Christ...

[THE SQUIP:]

So don't freak out

And don't resist

And have no doubt

If I assist

You will

Be more chill

First thing's first, go buy a new shirt

[JEREMY:]

What?!

What's wrong with my shirt..

[THE SQUIP:]

It's better if you just comply

My job's to color your aesthetic

And make you seem much less pathetic

Just step and fetch, don't ask me why

[JEREMY:]

How are you with math homework?

[THE SQUIP:]

I'm a super-computer, Jeremy.

I'm made of math

Oh, everything about you is so terrible

[PEOPLE IN THE MALL:]

Everything about you sucks!

Everything about you sucks!

[THE SQUIP:]

Whoa, everything about you makes me wanna die

[PEOPLE IN THE MALL:]

Everything about you sucks!

Everything about you sucks!

[THE SQUIP & PEOPLE IN THE MALL:]

All the people in the mall

Think you're such a slob

[PEOPLE IN THE MALL:]

You're a slob!

Terrible!

Such a slob!

[THE SQUIP:]

And boy, can I see why!

Now you try picking a shirt

That's a girl's shirt

[JEREMY:]

Sorry...

[CHLOE:]

...Jerry?

[JEREMY:]

Jeremy

[CHLOE:]

You shop here?

[JEREMY:]

Oh, yeah all the time..

[THE SQUIP:]

Never

[JEREMY:]

Never.

Is what I meant to...

[THE SQUIP:]

Greet the beta

[JEREMY:]

Oh.

Hey, Brooke

[THE SQUIP:]

"You look sexy"

[JEREMY:]

I can't say that to a hot girl!

[THE SQUIP:]

Don't smile.

Stare intensely.

Speak like you don't care about your own death

[JEREMY:]

Lookin' pretty sexy, Brooke

[BROOKE:]

Thanks

[CHLOE:]

Is that a girl's shirt?

[JEREMY:]

No

[THE SQUIP:]

"Yes"

[JEREMY:]

Yes

[THE SQUIP:]

Repeat after me..

I saw it in the window

And I couldn't dismiss

[JEREMY:]

I saw it in the window

And I couldn't dismiss

[THE SQUIP:]

I was dating a girl and

She had a shirt just like this

[JEREMY:]

I was dating a girl and

She had a shirt just like this

[THE SQUIP:]

It's still painful

[JEREMY:]

It's still painful

[CHLOE:]

So, who was this mystery girl?

[JEREMY:]

Oh, you've probably never heard of her, so..

[THE SQUIP:]

Madeline

[JEREMY:]

Madeline

[CHLOE:]

What?

[JEREMY:]

She's French

[CHLOE:]

Ugh!

She is NOT French!

She just pretends to be for attention!

[BROOKE:]

Madeline broke up with you?

[JEREMY:]

Yeah...

[THE SQUIP:]

No

[JEREMY:]

I mean..

[THE SQUIP:]

I broke up with her

[JEREMY:]

I broke up with her

[THE SQUIP:]

'Cause she was

Cheating on me

[JEREMY:]

'Cause she was

Cheating on me

[THE SQUIP:]

Hey, Hamlet.

Be more chill