She's Ovulating - Baba Brinkman

She’s ovulating — if she was a stripper\nI wouldn’t know why but I’d probably wanna tip her\nShe’s ovulating — she’s dressed so provocative\nMy histocompatibility complex is majorly\nIntoxicating — girl, I’m so symmetrical\nBut you can’t tell if you’re on a contraceptive pill\nInstead of ovulating — I’m not tryin' to conceive with you\nBut right now something makes me wanna be with you\nYou want a job done fast, you want a job done cheap\nYou want a job done well, you gotta pick two out of three\n‘Cause the price goes up when demand swells\nSo if your contractor has skills, he pads his bills\nAnd if you don’t like it, build the porch your damn self\nFast and cheap and headed for the landfill\nAnd it might sound ruthless, but what’s true for\nSomeone trying' to get their roof fixed, is true for sex\nAnd not just human sex, the cost of mating\nIs a price that evolution sets\n‘Cause high-value mates are always in demand\nBut there’s a bit of an imbalance between a woman and man\nHow come? Because of the outcome\nAlright, let’s make a deal — I’ll give you an ounce of spunk\nAnd one night of childish fun, and you give me\nNine months of your life, and when the child comes\nIt takes a few decades to show the kid how it’s done\nOh, what, you want help? Um…\nYeah, I have a few ounces of spunk left to spread around, hon\nYou know, ninety-nine problems, but this ain’t one\nWhat? The deal’s off? Why? Just ‘cause you’ve got\nFifty other guys tryin' to undercut the price?\nJust because you’re contributing hundreds of times\nMore resources to this otherwise equally shared enterprise?\nOkay, fine, what’s your counter-offer then?\nYou want me to promise never to sleep with another woman again\nAs long as I live? And if I did? Oh, what, you’d probably forgive\nAs long as I didn’t fall in love with her\nAnd have a bunch of other kids — oh, what, there’s more?\nYou also want me to invest every possible resource\nIn you and the kids, and pay for education and team sports\nAnd shit? What do I look like, a fuckin' seahorse?\nOh, what, you’ll do the same, huh? Well, you kind of have to\nIt’s your limitations that I’m trying to adapt to\nYou’re not the one with the potential to inseminate\nThe entire planet if only you had the chance to, yeah, thank you\nYeah, me and every other guy, right, yeah, I get it\nOur resources are worthless, because they’re practically unlimited\nWhich puts us in a shit negotiating position\nLike slave labour in the insemination business\nShe’s ovulating — if she was a stripper\nI wouldn’t know why but I’d probably wanna tip her\nShe’s ovulating — she’s dressed so provocative\nMy histocompatibility complex is majorly\nIntoxicating — girl, I’m so symmetrical\nBut you can’t tell if you’re on a contraceptive pill\nInstead of ovulating — I’m not tryin' to conceive with you\nBut right now something makes me wanna be with you\nAlright, I have one final card to play before we make deal\nYou know, every ounce of spunk is not created equal\nSome of it will give you smarter kids, some of it will give you\nHardier kids whose immune systems give them longer to live\nAnd you have this fertility cycle that gives you subtle clues\nAbout who to choose, so this is all just a ruse\nTo convert my mating effort into parental solicitude\nOh, what am I gonna do about it? Well, there’s nothing I can do\nBut it’s true! ‘Cause you don’t make it simple like a chimp, no!\nYou could have evolved a pink swollen genital symbol\nAdvertising your fertility window, but no!\nAnd I know why too! It’s to keep a guy limbo\nYou’re so deceitful, I don’t believe it!\nIt’s like you have a biological non-disclosure agreement\nTo maintain your competitive edge and get repetitive sex\nFrom the same guy long enough to see your genetic relatives fledged\n‘Cause if I knew exactly when you were ovulating\nWell then good luck negotiating any long-term arrangements\nBut you don’t even know, that’s the impressive bit\nYeah, but can you pin it down without arithmetic?\nShe’s ovulating — if she was a stripper\nI wouldn’t know why but I’d probably wanna tip her\nShe’s ovulating — she’s dressed so provocative\nMy histocompatibility complex is majorly\nIntoxicating — girl, I’m so symmetrical\nBut you can’t tell if you’re on a contraceptive pill\nInstead of ovulating — I’m not tryin' to conceive with you\nBut right now something makes me wanna be with you\nOkay, so you don’t exactly know when it is\nBut we can measure it and how it affects your preferences\nSee, I’ve been reading up on you scheming sluts\nAnd there’s a method to your madness, and yeah, it’s devious\nWhat changes is your preference for specific traits\nAnd the relative weight you assign them in potential mates\nWhen you hit peak fertility, suddenly you’re into symmetry\nAnd guys with no resources but high creativity\nWhen just a week before you were all about liquidity\nAnd suddenly now it’s what? Facial masculinity\nAnd fantasizing about infidelity? — Pathetic!\nThese are obviously adaptations to maximize the genetic\nQuality of your offspring at the expense of wannabe\nFathers, who provide the benefits of monogamy\nWell I’m onto your little scheme, and I’m gonna put a stop to it\nHow? My plan is in effect right now\nIt’s called the «oral contraceptive pill»\nAnd no, it’s not a trick — the benefits are real\nBasically it takes everything that makes you adaptively moist\nAnd replaces it all with rational choice\nWhen you’re on it, you can’t smell histocompatibility\nSo your kids' immune systems might end up a little weak\nBut think about the benefits, please!\nAll the non-masculine, asymmetrical men can breed!\nAnd now your infidelity can be about trading-up\nInstead of trying to get pregnant by a stud\nWe can all relate to trading-up, fine, fair enough\nIt’s just paternity uncertainty that tears us up\n‘Cause we understand the facts on the ground\nIt’s kind of like hiring a contractor for your house\nYou can’t get it done well and fast, and cheap\nYou almost always have to choose two out of three\nAnd ladies, it seems like the man of your dreams\nHas good resources, good behaviour, and good genes\nBut unless you’re name happens to be Angelina Jolie\nYou might just have to choose two out of three\nJust be careful who you choose when you’re pill poppin'\nI understand that reproductive choice feels awesome\nBut if you don’t ovulate then you can’t smell a match\nAnd mismatched relationships just don’t tend to last\nShe’s ovulating — if she was a stripper\nI wouldn’t know why but I’d probably wanna tip her\nShe’s ovulating — she’s dressed so provocative\nMy histocompatibility complex is majorly\nIntoxicating — girl, I’m so symmetrical\nBut you can’t tell if you’re on a contraceptive pill\nInstead of ovulating — I’m not tryin' to conceive with you\nBut right now something makes me wanna be with you