Parasite Wars - Baba Brinkman

Parasite wars, viruses, spores

Protozoa, bacteria, microbes galore

They evolve faster

But we can flip their strategy backwards

Before they turn us into eyesores

Parasite wars are ancient, we’ve been entangled

With ‘em since before we had a brain on the tip of our brainstem

Trapped in an arms race with ‘em, runnin' to keep

Pace with ‘em, Red Queen, stuck in one place with the

Microbes, if you’re thinkin' they’re quite gross

Disgust is beneficial for a parasite’s host

Every host-parasite interaction is a mystery

Until you consider its evolutionary history

That’s the enigma code, Alan Turing

Gotta stay out of the water when a guinea worm is burrowing

That burning acid is just to get you to splash in

The river so the bastard’s eggs are broadcasted

Ask Jimmy Carter, it isn’t hard to take hold of

The situation by interrupting host manipulation

Don’t scratch it!

Damn, that feeling of itchiness

Was just to get you to attach eggs to your fingertips

Parasites have evolved to manipulate

Our behaviour so that their genes proliferate

What you think a sneeze is for, clearing your nostrils?

Nah, that’s a virus takin' over the launch codes

Parasite wars, fighting for lives never high scores

Escalate the arms race with the strike force

The harder we hit them

The more they fight back with resistance

Tryin' to find the right course

Parasite wars, viruses, spores

Protozoa, bacteria, microbes galore

They evolve faster

But we can flip their strategy backwards

Before they turn us into eyesores

Parasite wars, whoa, they’re clever as hell

How’d they get to know us better than we know ourselves?

How does rabies virus know to go for the saliva glands

And attack the brain and make a mammal crazy fighting mad

Foaming at the mouth, ready to bite and pass

On a mouthful of crazy little baby rabies viruses

Damn, that’s a clever little parasite

Plasmodia live in mosquitos in the air in flight

But they’re patient, they never attack a carrier

Benign in mosquitos but in people they’re malaria?

Leavin' you weaker and weaker, weeks and weeks of fever

'Til you’re nothin' but a sack of hot meat,

a mosquito feeder

Ahhh, there’s a method to the madness

Effects are selected when benefits are adaptive

For the pathogens,

that’s why some are deadly serious

And others are mild:

it’s the evolution of virulence

Cholera can spread through vectors like the water systems

We can pass it on even from incapacitated victims

But STDs are different, they only keep working

If they leave you on your feet and flirting

Parasite wars,

fighting for lives never high scores

Escalate the arms race with the strike force

The harder we hit them

The more they fight back with resistance

Tryin' to find the right course

Parasite wars, viruses, spores

Protozoa, bacteria, microbes galore

They evolve faster

But we can flip their strategy backwards

Before they turn us into eyesores

Parasite wars!

We got the pattern figured out

Some can only spread if they keep you walkin' around

Others spread better if you’re stuck in bed in agony

And they don’t give a plasmid about you and your family

So all we gotta do is interrupt the vectors

And lower virulence is artificially selected

That’s one way to leave disease decimated

If you can’t beat it, you can try to domesticate it

We’ve already domesticated a few

There’s a hundred trillion microbes inside of you

They’re commensals,

but they can make you crave food

Hijack your vagus nerve and affect your mood

But microbiota isn’t even as deep as it gets

Your DNA is chock full of endogenous retroviruses

Your ancestor got an STD

It got trapped in your genome next to the rest of your genes

And adapted to help your placenta get implanted

So next time you catch a virus maybe you should thank it

Ha!

Watch out for the vectors

The double agents and defectors

In the parasite wars, fighting for lives never high scores

Escalate the arms race with the strike force

The harder we hit them

The more they fight back with resistance

Tryin' to find the right course

Parasite wars, viruses, spores

Protozoa, bacteria, microbes galore

They evolve faster

But we can flip their strategy backwards

Before they turn us into eyesores