A Simple Desultory Philippic (Or How I Was Robert McNamara'd Into Submission) - Paul Simon

I been Normal Mailered, Maxwell Taylored.

I been John O’Hara’d, McNamara’d.

I been Rolling Stoned and Beatled will I’m blind.

I been Ayn Randed, nearly branded

Communist, 'cause I’m left-handed.

That’s the hand I use, well, never mind!

I been Phil Spectored, resurrected.

I been Lou Aldered, Barry Sadlered.

Well, I paid all the dues I want to pay.

And I learned the truth from Lenny Bruce,

And all my wealth won’t buy me health,

So I smoke a pint of tea a day.

I knew a man, his brain so small,

He couldn’t think of nothing at all.

He’s not the same as you and me.

The doesn’t dig poetry.

He’s so unhip that

When you say Dylan, he thinks you’re talking

about Dylan Thomas,

Whoever he was.

The main ain’t got no culture,

But it’s alright, ma,

Everybody must get stoned.

I been Mic Jaggered, silver daggered.

Andy Warhol, won’t you please come home?

I been mothered, fathered, aunt and uncled,

Ben Roy Haleed, and Art Garfunkled.

I just discovered somebody’s tapped my phone.