Nina / Begin The Beguine - Noël Coward, Peter Matz, Carlton Hayes

Senorita Nina, from Argentina, knew all the answers

Although her relatives and friends were perfect dancers

She swore she’d never dance a step until she died

She said, «I've seen too many movies

And all they prove is

Too idiotic

They all insist that South America’s exotic

Whereas it couldn’t be more boring if it tried.

"

She added firmly that she hated

The sound of soft guitars beside a still lagoon

She also positively stated

That she could not abide a Southern moon

She said with most refreshing candor

That she thought Carmen Miranda

Was subversive propaganda

And should rapidly be shot

She said she didn’t care a jot

If people quoted her or not

She refused to Begin The Beguine when they requested it

And she made an embarrassing scene if anyone suggested it

For she detested it

Though no-one ever could be keener than little Nina

On quite a number of very eligible men who did the rhumba

When they proposed to her she simply left them flat

She said that love should be impulsive, but not convulsive

And syncopation had a discouraging effect on procreation

And that she’d rather read a book and that was that

Senorita Nina, from Argentina, despised the Tango

Although she never was a girl to let a man go

She wouldn’t sacrifice her principles for sex

She looked with scorn on the gyrations

Of her relations who did the conga

And said that if she had to stand it any longer

She’d lose all dignity and wring their silly necks

She said that frankly she was blinded

To all their over advertised romantic charms

And then she got more bloody minded

And told them where to put their tropic palms

She said, «I hate to be pedantic

But it drives me nearly frantic

When I see that unromantic, sycophantic lot of sluts

Forever wriggling their guts

It drives me absolutely nuts.

"

She declined to Begin The Beguine though they besought her to

And in language profane and obscene she cursed the man who taught her to

She cursed Cole Porter too

From this it’s fairly clear that Nina, in her demeanour

Was so offensive that when the hatred of her friends grew too intensive

She thought she’d better beat it while she had the chance

After some trial and tribulation, she reached the station

And met a sailor, who had acquired a wooden leg in Venezuela

And so he married him, because he couldn’t dance

There surely never could’ve been a

More irritating girl than Nina

They never speak in Argentina

Of this degenerate bambina

Who had the luck to find romance

But resolutely wouldn’t da-

She wouldn’t dance

Hola!