I Like America (Ace Of Clubs) - Noël Coward

Girls:

Tell us, sailor

Tell us, please

For we’re terribly keen to know

What it’s like to be fancy free

Footloose on the rolling sea?

China girl chop-chop

Gay Maltese

Hot Mommas from Mexico-

Harry:

If you’ll forgive a crude remark

And don’t resent a rude remark

I’ll let you into a secret-

Girls:

Well?

Harry:

They’re all alike in the dark!

Girls:

There must have been

Some place you’ve seen

Superior to the rest?

Harry:

As a matter of fact

With political tact

I like America best

Girls:

There’s a good time a-comin on de ole plantation

For a jolly Jack Tar

Has just confessed

The he likes America best!

Harry:

I don’t care for China

Japan’s far too small

I’ve rumbled the Rio Grande

I hate Asia Minor

I can’t bear Bengal

And I shudder to think

Of the awful stink

On the road to Samarkand

Harry:

I like America

I have played around

Every slappy-happy hunting ground

But I find America-okay

I’ve been about a bit

But I must admit

That I didn’t know the half of it

Till I hit the U.S.A

No likely lass

In Boston, Mass

From passion will recoil

In Dallas, Tex

They talk of sex

But only think of oil

New Jersey dames

Go up in flames

If someone mentions-bed

In Chicago, Illinois

Any girl who meets a boy

Giggles and shoots him dead!

But I like America

Its Society

Offers infinite variety

And come what may

I shall return some day

To the good old U.S.A

Harry:

I’ve loathed every acre

From Cannes to Canton

I also deplore Bombay

I’ve jeered at Jamaica

And seen through Ceylon

And exploded the myth

Of those Flying Fith

On the Road to Mandalay

Girls:

We’ll never mith

Those blasted fith

On the road to Mandalay

Harry:

But I like America

I have traveled far

From Northumberland to Zanzibar

And I find America-okay

I’ve roamed the Spanish Main

Eaten sugar-cane

But I never tasted cellophane

Till I struck the U.S.A

All delegates

From Southern States

Are nervy and distraught

In New Orleans

The wrought-iron screens

Are dreadfully overwrought

Beneath each tree

In Tennessee

Erotic books are read

And when alligators thud

Through the Mississippi mud

Sex rears its ugly head

But-I like America

Every scrap of it

All the sentimental crap of it

And come what may

Give me a holiday

In the good old U.S.A