It Doesn't Get Better Than This - Marc Shaiman

Wilbur: Spoken- «Tracy, my little petunia, even I used

to get discouraged about the future.

Luckily, I had a Wonderful family to turn to.»

When I was a tot not much older than three,

My father would sit me on his one good knee.

He hacked and he coughed from those three packs a day,

But he still found the lung-power to say:

«Ohhh, the… future looks dark, may be troubles ahead.

You at least have tomorrow but I may be dead.»

Then he yelled from the can taking his final piss:

«Kid!

it doesn’t get better than this!»

Wilbur: Spoken- «Feel better, Tracy?»

Tracy: Spoken- «Um… Sorta…»

Wilbur: Spoken- «Alright, then, listen to this!»

My mother loved dope, and tobacco she’d chew.

Each morning at breakfast she’d knock back a few.

She walked me to school with her eyes shiny red;

I can still smell her breath as she said:

«Ohhh, the… future looks bright, Wilbur, don’t make a fuss.»

Then she stepped off the curb, and got hit by a bus.

So, don’t wait for the future.

It’s all hit or miss.

Kid, it doesn’t get better than this.

Oh, No!

Don’t count your troubles.

Things may take a turn for the worse.

Life keeps sticking you up, till' they’re picking you up in a hearse.

Oh, Nurse!

My uncle wore raincoats though it never rained.

He showed off the lining, till' someone complained.

When he got arrested, he said: «What the hell!»

And he wrote me this note from his cell:

«Ohhh, the… future looked grim when the judge gave me life,

But I’ve hung up my raincoat 'cause I found a wife.

Yes, Herman and I live in pure wedded bliss.

Kid, it doesn’t get better than this.»

Sooo, your… future looks bleak and you can’t find your smile.

Baby, life’s just a joke, why not laugh for a while?

Now, how 'bout a hug?

Give your old man a kiss!

Tracy: Spoken- «Daddy…»

'Cause it doesn’t get better than this.

No, it doesn’t… get better… than this…