I'm Growing a Beard Downstairs for Christmas - Kate Miller-Heidke, The Beards

When I was a girl, just a little girl

I couldn’t wait 'til I became a woman

And I could grow a thatch of curls

A deep, dark forest to keep me warm in this cold world

And days became weeks, weeks became months

Months turned to years and it was like magic

It grew and grew, the greatest bush

That the kingdom ever knew

But at the turn of the millennium

A fever gripped the land

It was decreed that all the women

Look like little girls again

But now I’m growing a beard downstairs for Christmas

Growing a downstairs beard for you

I’m growing a beard downstairs for Christmas

Growing it big, growing it thick, growin' it for you

Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby

Merry Christmas, I’m growing it strong and true

Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby

When I was a boy, just a little boy

I was embarrassed by my body’s changes

But then one day at the local pool

I saw a life guard with hair growing out of his anus

I was so impressed, it looked like Tom Selleck’s chest

He was so proud as he towelled it down

I couldn’t wait to cultivate

My very own hairy bum gown

But at the start of the millennium

Spandex gripped the land

Every back sack and crack was attacked with wax

Now I’m growing it back, a gift for you to unwrap

Now I’m growing a beard downstairs for Christmas

Growing a downstairs beard for you

I’m growing a beard downstairs for Christmas

Growing it big, growing it thick, growin' it for you

Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby

Merry Christmas, I’m growing it strong and true

Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby

We’ll keep each other warm at night

With our jingle bell hairy stalactites

We’ll watch each other grow and grow

I’ll stick to you, I’ll stick to you

Like velcro

Now I’m growing a beard downstairs for Christmas

Growing a downstairs beard for you

Now I’m growing a beard downstairs for Christmas

I’m growing it big, growing it thick

Now I’m growing a beard downstairs for Christmas

Growing a downstairs beard for you

Now I’m growing a beard downstairs for Christmas

Growing it big, growing it thick, growin' it for you

Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby

Merry Christmas, I’m growing it strong and true

Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby