A Valiant Effort - East Coast Avengers

My ears are ringing, it’s like children singing or humming

I’m numb and I’m thinking it’s nothing

I’m confused by the booze and medication

It’s modern-day meditation

My generation sees that combination as an expectation

Half-done, I’m moving in slo-mo

Through an imitation of life, it’s like an illustration or a photo

But the perspective ain’t right

It’s like the lights cast by a yo-yo in midflight

It’s too bright, I’m confused and lost

I feel transparent and barren and used

Like a red herring tossed and forced in my own thoughts with no bearing

Black to light, back to life and I breathe in

I sit up, I’m light headed, the world is out of focus

I know this, I try to get up, I instantly regret it

I spit up, I don’t get it, the glow, the world looks overexposed

Or like a negative with shadows where the colours should go and vice versa

I’m thrown by the ring of the phone like inertia

Flown like a cyclone, head spinning

Still blown from the beginning, I’m sitting in front of my body

Now on the bed, dead grinning, a red linen, brain spilling

Conflicted, the wounds looks self-inflicted like it’s scripted

A knock on the door, I feel distant like staring backwards

Through binoculars, inconsistent, the picture fades

I’m non-existent but I’m persistent, I wanna stay!

You can’t see me this way, I love you momma!

Aw shit, what the fuck did I walk into?

My man’s a bloody mess up in his room, he cut his flesh

Drugged up like Hunter S., must’ve been under stress

Nonetheless he flunked the test, succumbing to life’s ugliness

A gun to his chest and head, a knife to his wrists, he bled

Twisted lead’s fucked him up like his sister said

Plus Erica left him for some war on terror veteran

Now he’s dying in the bed they never slept in

I crept in and saw the blood on the hand that his writing pen was kept in

That his medical depression was prepped in

Suicide, glazed over as poetic expression, a valiant effort

I had the chance to step in but said, «F it»

Dawg, why’d you do this to us?

You know what this crew is to us

Your mom tried this shit in ‘91 now she’s dialing 911

I think your time has come, this being the top one

Dumbest things you ever done

I know your life is erased, no one ever could have won

You’d rather dream than live now my head is hung