I'm Number One - Constantine, Ricky Gervais

I’m number one

You’re number two

We’re criminals at large but I’m at larger than you

I’m number one

You’re number two

I believe in equality

As long as you get less than me

I’m one

You’re one

You’re number two

I’m number two

You may think that you’re smarter, but I’m smarterer than you

I’m number one

You’re number two

You’re lucky to be number two, not number three

I can see by the look in your eye

You want to get a bigger piece of the pie

One day you’ll get your chance

But in the meantime, you’ve got to dance monkey dance!

Really?

I hate dancing

Do it!

Dance Monkey Dance!

Haha!

I’m number two

He’s number one

I can’t believe I’m working for an amphibian

I’m number two

He’s number one.

(I'm number one!)

You know life gone to the dogs

When your boss is a frog

I can see it’s just a matter of time

Before he’s gone and I’m at the front of the line

It won’t be long until I get my chance

But in the meantime, I’ve got to dance monkey dance

Dance monkey dance!

Now watch me

I’m number one.

(He's number one.)

You’re number two.

(I'm number two!)

I’ll bet you kid, there you go

Now step aside, this ain’t your show

I’m one.

(You're one.)

I’m number one!

(Yes, we know!)

I’m…,

He’s…

Number one!

That’s how it’s done