He Vas My Boyfriend - Andrea Martin

Love comes when you least suspect it

Love dances in on a whim

I thought maybe I could direct it

But I never expected…

A guuy like him

He was a bully und a brute

He vas as crazy as a coot

Still I didn’t give a hoot

He vas my boyfriend!

With ev’ry voman he vould flirt

He alvays treated me like dirt

But I vas happy to be hurt

He vas my boyfriend!

I vas as pure as a virgin meadow

Lying with Vicotr in the gloam

Then he turned to me, that charmer, whispered, «Let's play farmer.»

And plowed me 'til the cows came home!

He vas a monster and a beast

His midnight bangings never ceased

It didn’t faze me in the least

He vas my boyfriend!

(spoken)

I’ll never forget the first time I met Victor.

It vas on the village green

At the annual bock beer festival, where every beer cost a bock

I vas an innocent young lamb and he was a dirty old goat

Ve vere made for each other

All of a sudden, he took out his paraphernalia and shouted

«Let's play croquet!», and off to the field ve vent

He carried his hoops and mallets and I carried his balls

What a festival!

Fun and games all day long.

Archery, badminton, potato sack

Victor won the three-legged race… all by himself.

It vas love at first sight

(sung)

He vas the one I gave my heart to

But ve never wed even so

If I mentioned wedlock

He’d put me in a headlock!

Vhen I asked to be his wife

He stabbed me with a kitchen knife

Ach, where did the good times go?

If he had an angry fit

I vas the first thing that he’d hit

But I didn’t give a shit…

He vas my boyfriend!