They Can't Fool Me - George Formby

Now I’ve a simple nature, some folk think I’m dense.

They think I’m slow but I can show that I’ve got common sense.

We come from monkeys yes alas, some say we’ve reached a lower class.

But each time I look in the glass, they can’t fool me.

At hunt the button fun I get, some girls are very cute and yet,

I find it every time you bet, they can’t fool me.

I’m no wise guy still I get along

I may not know my left from right but I do know right from wrong.

Two old maids said in our flat, «Since last night there’s been a rat.»

I said, «Give him his coat and hat, oh you can’t fool me.»

My pal puts Violet in his bath, Vi-o-let that makes me laugh

I’ve found where Violet lives not half, you can’t fool me.

She giggles when he hugs her tight, when she’s kissed she laughs outright

She had convulsions late last night, they can’t fool me.

I’m no wise guy still I get along

I may not know my left from right but I do know right from wrong.

There’s a baby born they say, every clock tick that’s O.K.

I bought a sundial yesterday, they can’t fool me.

I’ve bought a house the terms are fine, weekly payments three and nine

In a hundred years the house is mine, oh they can’t fool me.

Every night a girl named Joyce, walks for miles but not for choice.

She rides home in a swell Rolls Royce, oh they can’t fool me.

I’m no wise guy still I get along

I may not know my left from right but I do know right from wrong.

To France a honeymooning pair went to see what it’s like there

But it’s no different anywhere,

They can’t fool me.